


Looking In The Mirror

by psychoticmusic



Series: My Random Thoughts [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Author Is Projecting onto Percy Jackson, Author Is Sleep Deprived, BAMF Nico di Angelo, Gabe Ugliano Being an Asshole, I Do Not Like Percabeth, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nico di Angelo is a Good Friend, Percy Jackson is 17, Percy Jackson is a Mess, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sorry Percabeth Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, after Tartarus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychoticmusic/pseuds/psychoticmusic
Summary: Percy is doubting himself and having second thoughts.a.k.aAuthor is projecting onto Percy.a.k.aAngst filled and mentions suicide
Relationships: Author Says That Everything is In The Story, Author is Very Tired - Relationship
Series: My Random Thoughts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2152635
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Looking In The Mirror

Looking In The Mirror

Percy was in his cabin, he had a razor and a knife next to him. The knife was made of imperial gold and celestial bronze, and bathed in Styx’s waters. It would disintegrate monsters and would only make a demigod bleed (depending on their power).

Percy was very powerful. Tartarus makes one do disturbing things. One changes.

It was inevitable, one of the only things you could count on as a demigod: That death would come, and when it did, it would likely be painful and untimely.

He'd wrestled with the thoughts that any day could be his last. Percy imagined his age, where it would happen, and how it might happen. The many ways he would die. Quickly, he hopes.

It was all a demigod could hope for in the end; a swift death free of suffering. But after Tartarus, he considered all the monsters he had killed, the curses they put on him with their dying thoughts.

Percy wondered whether he even deserved a quick end after his bloodstained hands had sent so many souls to the underworld. Sometimes, he felt that the universe would take revenge on him, make him suffer in return for all the suffering he had caused.

It was a miracle death had not caught him yet. Since the day he had seen the fates cut the electric blue yarn, he had been keenly aware of the half of him that was mortal, vulnerable.

Even when the blue yarn proved to be Luke's, the look that the fates gave him assured that one day his time would come; they would make sure of it. It seemed to loom over him the way gray clouds invade a sunny sky, threatening the peace of the day with the promise that thunder and lightning would come, eventually.

Yet he managed to evade it for years. When he saw death coming, his first instinct was to run. Fight or flight had never been a choice for him: His body, like every demigod's, was hardwired for fight.

It was his survival instinct, that had kept him alive all these years against all the odds. It was like he and death were playing a game where Percy was the mouse and death was the cat. Percy narrowly avoided capture each time, but didn't the cat always eventually prevail?

Burning alive, head ripped off by a hellhound, death by one of the many gods who had it out for him. He had imagined these scenarios and so much more. So, when the time came, he thought he had imagined every possibility. Then, there were the thoughts.

They were fleeting, but soon they were taking over.

_I’m not worth it. I’m nothing. Im not a goodchildicantdoanythingright._ It was clouding his head.

Soon, all Percy saw was Tartarus and Gabe. They were taunting him.

_“huh, bitch you can’t even get me a fucking beer. Go on now, you know what to do now don’t you huh.” Gabe beat him, it was abuse. The water always healed him so his mum would never have to know._

_No one knows how I feel, no one can help me._

Percy unknowingly has helped a lot of people in his life. Leo Valdez, Nico di Angelo, Reyna Avilez Ramiralez-Arellano, Annabeth, Will, Calypso, Zoë, and many many more. He just didn’t know and didn’t believe that they needed him.

Last of all, mum and his unborn sister. They don’t have to be burdened with the knowledge of having a half-brother the son of a sea god. They don’t have to be pushed through the pain.

Of all ways Percy thought he would die, it certainly wasn’t this way.

The razor fell.

One cut.

The knife grazes on his skin, puncturing his scar-littered body.

Another cut.

The knife is dragged along his stomach, ribcage and chest.

Another cut.

The knife edges along on his shoulder blades. The pain hurts, but it’s soon welcoming.

Another cut.

The knife dances along his leg, blood pouring out.

The knife falls.

Riptide is fumbled out of his pocket.

He can feel the knife not wanting to go against his skin, but Percy keeps going on. No one was going to come in his cabin for some time.

Percy is bleeding out on the floor, the curtains are closed. His eye lids are fluttering and his mouth smiles. He then says.

“It was for the best. Live in peace, forget me.”

His words were echoed around the world. No one knew where the words came from or who said it. But all primordials, titans and gods were worried. Something bad has happened.

Percy then smiles as his eyes close. He is dead.

A true hero, the greatest hero of them all. The most wonderful person who changed everyone’s lives. The one person who helped the world.

Dead.

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I needed to get out. I project onto characters I like. If you wish to take my idea feel free to do so but just mention me. I'd like myself and others to know if I took an idea from someone, changed it, and used it as my own. 
> 
> If you want me to continue this thing, just DM (or PM) me


End file.
